Journaling Through the Tension: Apologies I Give, Forgiveness I Withhold

If there’s one thing about me, it’s this: I apologise. If you tell me that I’ve hurt you, I won’t ask for an explanation, a breakdown of events, or a long justification. I’ll simply say, “I’m sorry.” It’s almost instinctive for me. I don’t need the details—just knowing I’ve caused you pain is enough to move me to apologise.

But here’s the twist: while I apologise easily, I struggle with forgiveness. That part doesn’t come naturally to me. It’s something I’ve had to wrestle with, reflect on, and slowly learn to practice. And that’s where journaling has been such a powerful tool—it helps me explore both sides of this tension: my quickness to apologise and my slowness to forgive.

Through writing, I’ve come to see that both apologising and forgiving are deeply tied to self-discovery. They show us who we are, where we’re soft, and where we’re still holding on to hurt.

Why Apologising Comes Easy

For me, apologising isn’t about weakness or being a pushover. It’s about valuing relationships. When I know I’ve caused harm, no matter how small, I want to put things right. I don’t believe in dragging people through long explanations—sometimes it’s enough to acknowledge their hurt and say sorry.

But this also says something about me: I’m someone who prefers peace over conflict, who will bend before I break, and who feels deeply connected to the emotions of others.

Why Forgiveness Feels Hard

Now, on the flip side, forgiving others isn’t as straightforward. When I’ve been wronged, the hurt sometimes lingers. Even when I want to forgive, my heart isn’t always ready to let go. And that gap between wanting to forgive and actually feeling forgiveness is where I often get stuck.

Forgiveness asks me to release something, to let it go without demanding repayment, and that can be incredibly difficult. Holding on sometimes feels safer than letting go.

But here’s what journaling has taught me: forgiveness is less about the other person and more about freeing myself. It’s a journey, not a one-time decision.

Journaling Prompts for Apology and Forgiveness

If you, like me, are navigating the tricky balance between apologising and forgiving, these journaling prompts might help you reflect:

1. When was the last time I apologised? How did it feel?

This helps you notice your patterns—whether you apologise out of habit, sincerity, or both.

2. What makes forgiveness hard for me?

Write honestly about the emotions or fears tied to forgiveness. Naming them is often the first step to loosening their hold.

3. Who do I need to forgive, and why am I holding back?

Sometimes we avoid forgiveness because we think it excuses what happened. Explore what forgiveness really means for you.

4. What does an apology mean to me?

Does it equal closure, healing, or simply respect? Understanding this clarifies why apologies matter in your life.

5. What do I need to forgive myself for?

This one is often the hardest, but forgiving yourself is the foundation for extending forgiveness to others.

6. How does holding onto anger or hurt show up in my daily life?

Explore whether it makes you guarded, short-tempered, or even exhausted. Sometimes, the cost of holding on is higher than the hurt itself.

The Healing in Writing

Journaling doesn’t magically make forgiveness easy, but it creates space for honesty. It allows me to sit with the hard truths: that I apologise quickly because I care, and that I withhold forgiveness because I fear being hurt again. Both are parts of who I am, and neither makes me less human.

Through writing, I’ve also realised forgiveness isn’t about forgetting or pretending it didn’t happen. It’s about choosing peace over bitterness. It’s about making room for healing.

Final Thoughts: A Journey of Both

Self-discovery isn’t just about finding the pretty parts of yourself—it’s about facing the contradictions too. I am someone who apologises without hesitation, and I am also someone who struggles to forgive. Both truths live in me.

But the more I journal, the more I soften. I learn to apologise without losing myself, and I practice forgiveness—not for the sake of others, but for the sake of my own peace.

So, if you’re on this same journey, give yourself grace. Pick up your journal, start with one prompt, and let your own words guide you back to yourself.