Money needs to go very, very far these days.
The South African economy has been rough, and I don’t think I’m the only person who feels like payday has become less of a celebration and more of an administrative exercise.
Your salary comes in. You pay the debit orders. You buy groceries. You fill up the car. You pay school-related expenses, electricity, insurance and everything else that comes with being an adult.
Then you look at what’s left and think:
Okay… so what are we supposed to do for the remaining 27 days?
And just when you’re trying to make your own money stretch until the next payday, somebody in the family sends that message:
“Hi sisi, can you please lend me some money?”
Yho.
You love your family. You genuinely want to help.
But what happens when you simply can’t afford to?
And, more importantly, how do you say that without feeling guilty?
Wait… Your Sibling Can Claim Maintenance From You?
Before we even get into lending family money, can we please discuss something I recently discovered?
Apparently, under South African law, there are circumstances where one sibling can claim maintenance from another sibling.
Imagine.
I laughed when I first heard about it because my immediate thought was:
Imagine my siblings taking me to court for maintenance when I’m barely coping myself.
Please. 😂
But there’s an important clarification because some of the headlines and social-media conversations have made this sound like South Africa recently passed a brand-new law allowing siblings to drag each other to court.
That’s not quite accurate.
The Maintenance Act 99 of 1998 is not a new law. The broader duty of family members to support one another is also rooted in South African common law. The Department of Justice explains that maintenance isn’t limited to parents supporting children. A family member may seek support from another family member where the person claiming support cannot maintain themselves and the person being asked to provide support can actually afford it.
Recent discussion around sibling maintenance has simply brought this aspect of our maintenance law back into the spotlight. Legal commentary on the issue has also stressed that sibling support is not a new principle created in 2026.
So, no, your sibling cannot simply wake up on Monday morning, decide you’re doing better than them financially and demand half your salary.
Thank goodness.
Because some of us would be arriving at maintenance court with a folder thick enough to qualify as a novel.
There Is a Means Test — Thank Goodness
This was my next question.
Surely there has to be some kind of income gap, affordability assessment and lifestyle review?
Because earning more than somebody doesn’t necessarily mean you’re financially comfortable.
According to the Department of Justice, two important considerations are whether the person claiming support is unable to maintain themselves and whether the person from whom maintenance is claimed can actually afford the maintenance. The amount claimed must also be reasonable.
That part is important.
A person’s salary alone doesn’t tell you whether they have money available.
A proper picture of someone’s financial circumstances might include things such as:
- Their monthly income.
- Rent or bond repayments.
- Groceries and household expenses.
- Electricity and municipal costs.
- Transport or vehicle expenses.
- Medical expenses.
- School fees and childcare.
- Existing debt repayments.
- The number of people they already support.
- Other unavoidable monthly commitments.
- Whether they actually have disposable income after those expenses.
Because there’s a massive difference between earning money and having money available to give away.
And that distinction brings me straight back to family.
“But You Have a Job”
This sentence has probably financially traumatised many working people.
“But you have a job.”
Yes, I have a job.
I also have bills.
Sometimes our families see the salary but don’t see everything attached to that salary.
They see that you work for a decent company.
They see the car.
They see the house.
They see you bought yourself something nice.
They see that restaurant picture you posted three Saturdays ago.
They see that you went away for a weekend in December.
What they don’t see is your banking app at 02:00 in the morning while you’re doing calculations that would impress an accountant.
“Okay, if I move this R700 here, delay that payment until Thursday and don’t drive anywhere unnecessary for the next two weeks…”
😂
That’s the reality for many working people.
You can look financially stable from the outside while internally your budget is held together by prayer, Excel and a very strict debit-order schedule.
The Economy Is Tough on All of Us
There’s also something important that we need to acknowledge.
Financial struggle doesn’t only look like unemployment.
You can have a job and struggle.
You can have a decent salary and struggle.
You can own a home and struggle.
You can drive a nice car and struggle.
You can be supporting your children, your parents and other relatives while quietly struggling yourself.
The cost of maintaining a household can be enormous.
And when you’re the person in the family who appears to be doing “well”, there can be an unspoken expectation that you’ll help everybody else.
It’s R300 today.
R500 next week.
R1 000 for something urgent.
R200 for electricity.
R400 for transport.
R700 for groceries.
None of the individual requests necessarily seems unreasonable.
But put them together over a month and suddenly you’ve given away several thousand rand that wasn’t actually sitting around waiting to be spent.
That’s where things become difficult.
How Do You Tell Family You Can’t Lend Them Money?
This is probably one of the hardest financial boundaries to establish because money and family come with emotions.
When a stranger asks for something you can’t afford, saying no is relatively easy.
When it’s your mother, brother, sister, cousin or another person you love, it’s different.
There’s history.
There’s loyalty.
There’s guilt.
There’s the fear that they’ll think you’ve changed.
And sometimes there’s that painful reminder:
“Remember when I helped you?”
But there comes a point where you have to be able to say:
“I can’t afford to help financially right now.”
Not “I don’t want to.”
Not “I don’t care.”
Simply:
“I can’t afford it.”
Those are very different things.
You Don’t Have to Explain Your Entire Financial Life
This is something I’m learning.
You don’t necessarily have to provide a complete financial statement every time you say no.
You don’t need to explain:
“I have R2 143 left, but R850 is for electricity, R600 is for petrol, R400 is for the children’s school things and then I need groceries.”
Because sometimes the minute you explain how much you have, the negotiation begins.
“Okay, but then can’t you just lend me R200?”
Now we’re negotiating with money that was never available in the first place.
A simple response can be enough:
“I’m sorry, I can’t help financially this month. My budget is already fully committed.”
That’s respectful.
It’s honest.
And it doesn’t require you to disclose your entire financial situation.
Don’t Borrow Money to Lend Someone Money
This one deserves to be written in capital letters.
PLEASE DON’T GO INTO DEBT TO LEND SOMEBODY ELSE MONEY.
If someone asks you for R2 000 and you don’t have R2 000, taking it from your credit card or overdraft doesn’t suddenly mean you can afford it.
It means you’ve borrowed money so that somebody else can borrow money from you.
Think about that.
Now you’re responsible for:
- The original amount.
- Interest.
- Bank charges.
- The risk that the family member doesn’t repay you.
- The awkwardness of asking for your own money back.
- Potential damage to the relationship.
Meanwhile, the person who borrowed the money might be living peacefully while you’re paying interest on their emergency.
No.
Helping family should not require you to create a financial crisis in your own household.
Sometimes You Have to Choose Your Own Household First
This is where guilt normally enters the conversation.
We often think saying no means we’re selfish.
But if giving someone R1 000 means you can’t buy groceries for your household next week, you’re not really in a financial position to give away R1 000.
If lending R2 000 means your debit order is going to bounce, you cannot afford to lend R2 000.
If helping someone means you have to use your credit card for your own expenses afterwards, you probably couldn’t afford that help in the first place.
Your household has to matter too.
Your children matter.
Your bills matter.
Your financial stability matters.
Your emergency savings matter.
Your future matters.
You shouldn’t have to financially drown yourself to prove that you love your family.
Create a Family-Help Budget
One thing that might help people who regularly receive requests from family is creating a specific family-support budget.
For example, you could decide that you can afford R500 or R1 000 a month to assist family members.
Once that money is finished, it’s finished.
That way, you’re not making emotional financial decisions every time somebody asks for help.
You already know what you can afford.
You might even create personal rules such as:
- I don’t lend money that I need back urgently.
- I don’t use credit to help other people.
- I only assist with genuine emergencies.
- I have a fixed monthly amount available for family support.
- Once that amount is finished, I can’t assist again until the following month.
- If possible, I pay the expense directly instead of handing over cash.
- I don’t sacrifice my children’s needs or household bills to lend money.
Those boundaries might sound harsh to some people.
But boundaries are much easier than resentment.
If You Lend Family Money, Assume You Might Never See It Again
This is another difficult lesson.
Before lending money to family, ask yourself:
“If this person never pays me back, will I survive financially, and will our relationship survive emotionally?”
If the answer is no, don’t lend the money.
Because family loans can become complicated very quickly.
You lend R3 000.
They promise to pay you at the end of the month.
Month-end comes.
Nothing.
You wait.
Another month passes.
Now you’re uncomfortable asking.
Eventually you ask.
Suddenly you’re the difficult one.
Meanwhile, you’re thinking:
But this is MY money! 😂
Sometimes, if you genuinely want to help and can afford it, it may be emotionally easier to give an amount you’re comfortable never receiving again.
But that only works when you genuinely can afford to lose it.
And About That Sibling Maintenance…
Coming back to the maintenance issue, I can understand the principle behind the law.
There are circumstances where a person may genuinely be unable to support themselves, while a close family member has the financial capacity to assist.
The Department of Justice specifically states that the family member seeking maintenance must be unable to maintain themselves and that the family member from whom support is claimed must be able to afford it. It also emphasises that the person liable must have the means and that the amount claimed must be reasonable.
That affordability requirement makes sense.
Because imagine taking me to court for maintenance and the court discovers that after my household expenses, children, groceries, petrol, debt and debit orders, I’m also one inconvenience away from needing maintenance.
😂
Your Honour, respectfully, we’re all struggling here.
In fact, after reviewing my bank statements, the court might need to turn to my sibling and ask:
“Are you perhaps able to give her R500?”
We Need to Stop Assuming That the Person Who Earns More Is Rich
This might be the biggest lesson in all of this.
Income doesn’t tell the whole story.
Two people can earn exactly the same salary and have completely different financial realities.
One person might be single with very few financial responsibilities.
Another could be supporting three children, paying a bond, helping elderly parents and carrying significant household expenses.
One may have R10 000 available after necessities.
The other may have R300.
Their salaries are identical.
Their financial capacity is not.
That’s why we should be careful about looking at someone’s job title, salary, car, home or lifestyle and deciding that they can afford to help us.
Sometimes they can’t.
Saying No Doesn’t Mean You Don’t Love Your Family
Family is important.
Helping each other is important.
And I hope we never become a society where everyone simply says, “Your problems are your problems.”
Sometimes the R500 you give someone genuinely changes their month.
Sometimes helping with groceries gets a family through a difficult week.
Sometimes paying someone’s electricity, transport or school expense is exactly what family is supposed to be about.
There is something beautiful about being able to help the people you love.
But helping should come from capacity, not guilt.
There should be room for both generosity and boundaries.
You can love somebody and still say:
“I can’t afford that.”
You can care deeply and still say:
“I can’t lend you money this month.”
You can want the best for your family while protecting the financial stability of your own household.
Those things can exist at the same time.
We’re All Trying to Survive This Economy
The reality is that money needs to stretch incredibly far right now.
Many South Africans are carrying responsibilities that nobody sees.
Some are supporting parents.
Some are raising children.
Some are paying off debt.
Some are helping siblings.
Some are supporting extended families.
And some are doing several of those things at the same time.
So when someone says they can’t lend you money, don’t automatically assume they’re selfish or unwilling to help.
They may simply be trying to survive too.
And if you’re the person who constantly feels guilty because you can’t rescue everybody financially, remember this:
You cannot give money that you don’t have.
Protect your household.
Help when you genuinely can.
Say no when you genuinely can’t.
And please don’t take out a loan to lend your sibling money.
Especially now that I’ve discovered this sibling-maintenance story.
My siblings, if you’re reading this…
I love you dearly.
But before anybody gets ideas about maintenance court, please understand that I will arrive with:
- Three months of bank statements.
- Every debit order.
- Grocery receipts.
- School expenses.
- Petrol slips.
- Municipal bills.
- Debt statements.
- A calculator.
- And, if necessary, screenshots from my banking app.
Because in this economy, being the sibling who earns more doesn’t necessarily mean you’re the rich sibling.
Sometimes you’re just the sibling whose salary disappears slightly more professionally.
And that, unfortunately, is adulthood.
